MEMORANDUM
TO: Dashle DeMill
FROM: Your mother
RE: CHUNK BLOWING
This is a quick memo to inform you that I am really tired of cleaning your carpet. I love you too much to put plastic down to cover the entire room. It seems like such an impersonal touch for such a lovely and cozy room.
I am requesting that you stop sticking your hands down your throat.
4 months of purging everything from your little belly is sufficient to get your point across. I know you prefer dad and sometimes me to lie on the floor next to your bed. I understand you detest time in your room because you commit crimes against family members. The kicking and screaming and constant, "NO! MOMMY!" have clued us in to your insatiable appetite for speaking your mind.
I have put gloves on your hands and secured them with medical tape. I have drenched you in very cold showers with your clothes on--one day it was 5 times in a row! I have pounded on your door to scare you out of vomiting--this only worked for two nights. When you come out of your room I silently put you back on your bed. I have met your demands for a story each night for the last 4 months and now one story is not good enough.
I think you have been quite inconsiderate to be honest.
You vomit after I've given you chocolate pudding, fruit snacks, and bagels. Last night it was cranberry jello salad. You seemed to enjoy it immensely during dinner. How was it coming back up late at night in the stillness of your bedroom?
When I greeted you this morning I noticed you slept on top of your mess all night. Trying to be optimistic I thought to myself, "At least he kept it all in the bed." I was mistaken. You had some special treasures for me on the other side.
It is a difficult task for me to refrain from doing the technicolour yawn while cleaning up your acid waste.
I had a "no relief" itch all over my body for the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy with you. Doesn't that count for anything?
If you really love me you will stop this nonsense and be a good little boy who lets his food digest the way God intended.
NOTE: Dad desires a little less dependency on him when it is bedtime. You're a big boy now. It is time to let Dad have his nights back with mom. No more 8pm naps!
Oh! And if you could get this bedtime routine squared away soon Coy would really appreciate it!
BBD
5 comments:
Wow, so not fun! Sorry.
I hope that letter works. So sorry. By the way, as per your request I opened my blog up to you, and yet I have not heard from you regarding it. Hmmmm....
I had not idea that Dashel gets so mad that he makes him self throw up! That is hard on you! I remember when we would watch Dashel when he was little and that kid had some lungs on him! Now when we watch him I don't try to put him to be so he is good!
Aw, that's yucky... poor mommy! Any chance the little guy has some kind of anxiety problem? Just a thought...
i'm sorry britt. you're a good sport. he'll be so grateful that he has you one day:)! most moms would have sent their child to live with someone else by now.
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