Potato Pearls 101

The potato is a starchy, tuberous crop from the perennial Solanum tuberosum of the Solanaceae family.

When a starch is pre-cooked, it can then be used to thicken instant in cold water.

Adhesives - Starch is also used in the manufacture of glues for book-binding, wallpaper adhesives, paper sack production, tube winding, gummed paper, envelop adhesives, school glues, bottle labeling.

To prove the authenticity of this information (courtesy of Wikipedia.com) a common housewife (me) poured a #10 can full of expired potato pearls (courtesy of the Mesa, AZ dry pack facility for the LDS Church) down the garbage disposal. This was done with the thinking that pouring the entire can down the garbage disposal would prevent the rancid potato pearl stink from wafting through our home had the pearls been thrown simply in the garbage can. Once the experiment commenced I found the information concerning starches to be largely true and factual. Once a starch is pre-cooked it does indeed thicken INSTANTLY in cold water. A common misconception about potato pearls is that they will only dissolve completely in boiling water. My experience would denote otherwise.

Expanding potato pearls not only contribute to the adhesive industry, but also can be used for filler. For example: You have a bat problem? Patch up the holes in your roof/siding with potato pearls. No bats in, no bats out. Is your house drafty? No problem! Simply stuff potato pearls around your outlets and windows for a 10% reduction in your gas bill during the winter and your electric bill during the summer. Do you have a child who talks nonstop and is the cause of your insanity? I've got the solution! Stuff their mouth full of potato pearls and you'll have hours of uninterrupted silence!

Is the plug for your drain ineffective every time you try to fill the sink with water? Simply pour a can of old potato pearls down your disposal for effective plugging. The pearls will expand as they are washed through the sink's piping system. The entire process takes less than 1 minute! No air gaps! No openings in the pipes for the water to run! Voila! Watch the miracle in your own kitchen sink! Plugged using no plugs! Amazing!

Manufacturer's Note: Although the plugging of sinks takes less than 1 minute, please allow 2 1/2 hours for disassembling sink piping system and scraping out product from each PVC pipe with a butter knife and quite possibly a bent hanger.

Writer's Note: This information, although correct and truthful to the best of my knowledge, MAY NOT be used as incriminating evidence against me in social, familial, or court appointed events. If you pursue this avenue of teasing/taunting after this advisement legal action shall be taken in the form of disownership, anger, resentment, and downright hatred. It would be in your best interest to refrain from jesting simply for a good laugh.

:)